31 Jul 2017

Monday Musings [7] - To Love And To Be Loved

Seven years old and her parents, they fight at night
When they think she’s sleeping ‘cause she turned off the lights
Momma wasn’t very strong and it wasn’t very long
‘Fore the doctors said there was fault with her lungs

Fast forward nine tough years, her daddy, he likes his beers
He’s drowning in his liquor and she’s drowning in her tears
One day he leaves her a note and he just disappears
No girl should be left with nothing but her hurt and fears

School somehow loses all its importance
And she’s working without any experience
She’s trying so hard to get by
But something inside her has died
Couple more years and a few times fired
Past admitting that her situation is dire

Now she’s living in her beat-up car
Thinks she’s maybe gone too far
And she’s got no one except this one guy
Who slicks back his hair and thinks he’s fly

He likes to take her for a walk once in a while
Tells her that he just wants to see her smile
Pretends to be gentlemanly
But he’s not nice company
You can tell by the bruises
And the alcohol he abuses
You could say she’s used to it
But does that really excuse it?

She’s lost so much and still she loses more
When a father ends his child’s life before it’s born

Now she’s living with a broken heart
Thinks that she’s maybe gone too far

One day her man stumbles through the dark
To find her but she’s missing from her car
There’s a note
Something she wrote
With tear stains all over the crumpled paper
‘Cause it reminded her of the dad who left her

It doesn’t say much but it says enough
She says she just wanted to be loved
And to love

He passes out drunk after crying for a bit
The next morning they find her in a ditch
The man in uniform, he shakes his head
He’s lived life and seen a lot of dead

But this girl does something to his soul
And later that night when he goes home

He wraps his arms around his little daughter
Tells her that he’s gonna be there for her
And he grabs his wife and he holds her close
Says honey, do you know that I love you so

She smiles and for him it’s enough
Just to love and to be loved

written: 31/07/17

5 Jun 2017

Monday Musings [6] - My Safe Stronghold

Inside me and all around me I feel a wild storm’s rage,
And it’s hard when no one knows what happens offstage,
But You breathe life into my tired lungs, age after age,
And I can feel my heart, there just beneath my rib cage,
You write on it, page after page.

It’s warm to match Yours and it’s beating,
Because You heal the hurt and aching,
I will stretch my arms out, rejoicing,
In the light of Your face, I’m basking,
And to You I will always sing.

I’ve got a distance to go and the weather is bitterly cold,
But when it gets dark and I feel small I can sense the hold
Of Your hand, and forever Your love is my safe stronghold,
It is abounding and so true and capable of things untold,
And it will never, ever grow old.

I reach for You and You are always there,
No matter where,
In my brokenness and in every despair.
And when I’m in the thick of warfare,
You hear every prayer,
And when I come to You bare,
You tell me You care.

And I was bare but I won’t live another day unaware, 
Because it’s Your love and this faith that I want to wear,
I want to find those like me and tell them that You care.

written: 05/06/17


Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold You with my righteous hand. / Isaiah 41:10

A/N: Wow. I love that verse from the book of Isaiah. God satisfies. He's proved it to me in timeless ways and constant love and enduring patience. And still it's something I have to learn all over again, often. If you're like me, be encouraged. He will always be your stronghold, He is unfailing and He is forgiving.

Have you experienced something similar? Do you feel like your life is crazy or confusing at the moment, and if the answer is yes, who/what do you turn to for comfort? Because there is only One that can give you the peace you need.

29 May 2017

Moses Bennett Joseph is IMPOSSIBLY CUTE

The days are flying by. Yesterday, my youngest brother was officially 3 weeks old. He's growing faster than I can blink, and this is a time that none of us are going to live through again, so I'm savoring him. Cherishing the feeling of his warm, snug, tiny body in my arms and the smell of his downy head.

And, of course, photographing him, so y'all can see this piece of proof that there is an almighty Creator.

Rosebud mouth. Little knuckles. Button nose. I wonder if it's tough being so perfect.

I wouldn't be able to help loving him even if I wanted to. It's like when he was born, an invisible needle and invisible thread stitched him into my heart, into my soul. Only God could be the one to invent a feeling such as that.

All of God's grace in one tiny face.

My parents having been wearing joy since he came home.

He's deep in thought here, obviously. Hmm, isn't this a good nap.

He's a marvel, a wonder that just grows more beautiful and more priceless with each day.

24 May 2017

Wednesday Words [4] - Somewhere, Someday

Baby, you’re surely going to get your heart broke again
By the tides of pain that recede and then come again
Who’s to say why we put ourselves in these situations?
This world is filled with unnecessary complications

Darling, you’re going to cry again
People use people for their own gain
I promise it’s just something that happens
And the road is bumpy even when you strap in

Honey, you’re going to have to learn again
You will see sun shining through the rain
Sometimes the hurt is a disguised blessing
Through the doubts and through the guessing

Go, go find yourself somewhere you don’t want to leave
Move, move on from here to find another story to weave
Bitterness, it only leaves your heart in a state to grieve
Forgive, even when forgiveness isn’t what you receive

Find yourself somewhere you want to stay
Make good memories to one day replay
Don’t stress it if there’s any kind of delay
You’re going to find that somewhere someday

written: 22/05/2017


A/N: I feel as if I'm at a bit of a conflict with this poem. Your thoughts on it are appreciated, as always. Do you agree with what I've written? Feel absolutely free to disagree. I'm not even sure if I concede with myself yet, if that makes any sense. Do you ever feel this way? Like you're waiting on that place, that somewhere?

The thing is, I am a strong believer in living in the current moment, and being happy and grateful where you are in life. But to contrast that, I also think that one should not give up praying, hoping and healing, or waiting for dreams to become reality in the future. They won't always become real, of course, and it definitely matters what kind of reality you're truly desiring- whether it is pleasing to God or not. But I anticipate that hope, lessons learned and perseverance will become strength when built upon day after day.

22 May 2017

Fifth out of Eleven???

I know what you might be thinking...something big must have happened for me to actually be posting again. The truth is that I really miss the blogging world with so much of my heart, I miss the community here, I miss sharing with you all and listening to you all and making more friends- but life refuses to be perfect (I know I've been over the whole perfect thing before, but bear with me) and I'm never going to be perfect and I think I'll just have to see where this goes. If I continue posting, or if I don't, or if I land up in the in between somewhere. I'll roll with it.

BUT. Right now, I have something I really do want to tell you all about. Or rather, someone. And this surely is big news.

His name is Moses, and he is beautiful.

My heart aches with love for this tiny being! So, yes. Something huge did happen. Look at his smile! I am proud to introduce my new baby brother to you all. Moses Bennett Joseph, born two months premature on the 8th of May (fun fact: that happened to be my twelve-year-old brother's birthday and Moses decided to gatecrash it) and weighing 2.1 kilograms with a full head of hair and ten siblings that already adore him. He came home from the hospital yesterday. 

People, God is so GOOD. He has answered our prayers, continues to answer them and is taking good care of Moses and my mom. 

I CANNOT explain the way I feel now, how my heart bursts with emotions that wrestle and tangle together and yet are all beautiful, but I'll try. Having a new little brother, someone so small, so innocent, so pure, so precious, so promising...it's incredible. I really am trying here, but it's hard. Hard to explain how it makes me feel and how joyful I am when I look at his face, when I kiss his head and smell the sweetness of baby. Hard to tell you just how phenomenal a thing it is for me when I hold him in my arms and slip my finger into his own mini fingers and feel them squeeze.

And I'm sorry, but there are no words that will do it justice, so I won't try. For now.

That being said...my blog name may need an update sooner or later, because there has been another (unforgettable) addition to our family. How does Fifth out of Eleven sound?

PS: Proper and professional photos of this miracle baby are coming soon.